Updated: Jan 18, 2020
Well here I am, siting down for a coffee date with the previous year. 2019...wow you have been quite an incredibly uncomfortable journey. This year I landed myself in so many mindset-altering situations that have helped me grow into the woman I am now. Writing this all down to recap brings up so many emotions that can't be expressed in a single Instagram caption, nor do I think you want me to drone on about the ins and outs of what happened this year. This decade defined me in so many powerful ways. I can see each chapter unfold as if I am riding an escalator browsing the levels of my young adult life. But to put things plainly, 2019 is just hard to describe. All I could think, as each month passed, was that these seasons escalated a little too fast for my liking. Starting out the year with a broken heart forced me to find light and happiness in corners of Santa Barbara that I had least expected. Come full circle and I have learned the powerful lesson of loving myself whole-heartedly and putting myself first before anything or anyone else. Some call it selfish, but I know it's self-love in it's purest form.
I am now unapologetically myself - wild, sensitive, empathetic and sometimes a little less confident than I'd like to admit, but I'm learning to love the perfect imperfections that define me for me. Of course, with every year I love to reminisce and think about those defining moments, accomplishments and mistakes that changed me ever-so.
I sip on my coffee and try to reflect on those pivotal memories.
For starters, I found out that I adore restorative yoga...and long walks on the beach to listen to the waves crashing against the rocks. I found out my nervous system requires a little more TLC than most. I found out that prayer and meditation keep my fears at bay and my faith in love unbreakable. I discovered that I am the girl who wants to have it all - career, family, AND kids - which shocked the hell out of me because I never believed I was the "motherly type" or cut out for that role whatsoever.
In the middle of Summer, I found that I was ready to step out of my fashion world and into a world of creation...writing and sharing stories that open minds and touch hearts. I dove into a life of writing this year....mainly as a ghost writer. But it has ignited a fire inside of me that I haven't seen in a while. Every time I have my fingers on a keyboard, typing words into paragraphs and paragraphs into pages, is when I glow the brightest and feel the most like myself.
This year, I found out that my family plays a major part in my happiness. I have kept them very close and whenever I am around them, the guards around my heart get to take a little time off. Brunch dates with my dad, movie nights with my mom and sister-chats on the phone to talk about what we purchased on Amazon that week, sharing links and stories. These are the moments I've been holding onto and protecting with every inch of me. Even though it's been an uphill battle keeping peace in a broken family, we manage to always say I love you during those peaks and valleys.
I found out that when I feel most alive, I am traveling with my eyes peered through a lens, and fingertip ready to hit that click of a camera shutter - experiencing new beginnings and seeing new sights, taking in new smells and tasting the towns I adventure in. And now for the main event! The most adult thing that has ever come out of my mouth...I found out I like drinking water, like all the time now. Opposed to my previous drink diet of coffee (3 x a day) and then wine.
And of course I am drinking coffee now...but with a side of water.
I have come to learn that this uncomfortable, at times bleak and at times beautiful, year has been the most important year of my life. Without this portion of my journey, I would've never had the guts to change anything about who I was, or break molds that I have created my entire life. And in all honesty...living a healthy life that supports personal growth takes guts, bravery, and major commitment.
2019 was the year I committed to myself. And now 2020 opens the door on new possibilities to grow even more. Another decade of the roaring 20's begins and I'm so ready to carve a path out of my comfort zone to learn even more new things about myself. With big trips on the books like New York, Mexico City, and potentially a Spain adventure in the works, this girl is ready to soar.
And I encourage you to do the very same.